When we first planned to move from Cincinnati, Ohio, to Salem, Oregon, I assumed I would spend some period of time unemployed after we arrived. I worked for the federal government, and despite what some people think, there is no such thing as a transfer with the government. At least not for people at my level. I knew I would have to actually quit my job at some point, and I had no prospects for another job, no matter how hard I tried to look from 2500 miles away. I actually grew to like the idea of being unemployed and taking some time to figure out what I wanted to do.
Well, nothing ever turns out as we plan it, it seems. Right as we were moving, a position in the agency I was already in opened up, and I applied for it before we moved. I still didn't think I had a great chance of getting it, but there was no huge rush. I was already committed to working from home (in Salem) at my Cincinnati job for 3 months, until some projects I was working on could come to completion. I'd like to think that I could just quit my job and explore other opportunities, but the whole experience has shown me that for me, the compensation is not nearly as important as the benefits with a job. For both my husband and I having serious chronic illnesses, good health insurance is the most important benefit we have, and the only place I could get that would be the federal government, where they can't impose lifetime maxima on coverage.
In the end, I think I missed out on time that might have benefited me to spend doing some soul searching for stability in my health insurance. I no longer seem to have time to relax or even think about what's important to me. I have too much going on and not enough time in a day to do it. It's too late to go back and change any of that now. I guess I need to take some time off from the world soon, before I lose the motivation, and think about what it is I really want from life. I spend so much time doing, and not enough time thinking about what I want to be doing, and I am paying for that emotionally now.
I know the feeling of always doing and never being. It's a lesson I have been trying to learn since we moved here from CA. I wish you space to breathe and rest and be, taking intentional time just for you. Peace to you as you endeavor to find the life you hope for.
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