The hardest thing I ever have to do

Up until now, I've been fooling myself, and not very well at that. I have been telling myself I can do it all. I can handle organizing the Walk MS for Salem mostly on my own. This hasn't been the case, even though it was what I expected originally, because the guy that was the chair last year kept saying he wouldn't be around, etc. However, in the end, he's done a lot of connecting with businesses that the chapter failed to follow through with.

Last year, I focused mostly on trying to create a raffle where none had existed, by getting donations from a handful of local businesses. I kept telling myself that I knew so many more people that I would be so much more valuable to the walk this year. I am finally having to admit that I don't have that many connections of that kind as I thought I did after living here for another year.

My biggest problem is that I have a horrible time asking for donations from businesses I don't patronize, or at least that I don't patronize much. This is a sign of bigger issues for me. I have always had a hard time asking for help, even when I arguably needed it the most. My husband and I have been through serious health issues in the past 10 years, but I never let myself ask for help. I had a hard time accepting it even when it was offered to me, even in seemingly desperate situations. I finally had a friend and former boss of mine tell me that people wanted to help and I needed to let them. It worked at the time, but I still have a hard time with that.

I am not living up to my own expectations of what I should be able to achieve for this walk. I want it to be special for the people that care enough to participate in it. I wanted to find a drumline or something similarly dynamic and exciting that could start the walkers this year. So far, I have failed in my attempts to get anyone at local schools to respond, and I am out of ideas. I also hoped to get a lot more gift certificates to offer as raffle prizes, and while those that donated last year have agreed to do it again, it's way fewer than hoped.

I have come to the conclusion that having a committee of one or even two is just not enough. We need more help. But for this year, it's probably too late for that.

Here is my plea, for any that see fit to read this and think about responding. If you or someone you know has a business that would be willing to trade a gift certificate (nothing big) for free and positive advertising at the walk, I would love to hear from you. Also, if you or anyone you know would be willing to play long enough to start off the walkers on April 16th at Riverfront Park, I would be most grateful.

That is one of the hardest things for me to do, and it will pain me just to post this, but I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing it for the walk, which is way bigger than me.