Today I lost the second friend in a week, and I am totally to blame. I have fucked up in a big way, and ruined two friendships, one of which I cared very deeply about. I am devastated. I don't think he will ever forgive me for my behavior, and I owe him so much I don't know what to do. I became to difficult to deal with, and I can't really be angry at him, even though it would be much easier to hate him. I have gotten through the first failure with bitterness and anger, and that clearly made things worse for me.
I wish I could go back in time and change things, but it's far too late for that. I can't imagine moving forward at this point. I think I just need to cry for awhile, and that's what I plan to do.
Here I thought I'd made so much progress, but I see that I hadn't at all.
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