If someone asks me if I am cynical, I tend to immediately answer in the affirmative. After all, I work for the government, which means that no matter how apolitical I might feel my job is or should be, it still is. I also say that I expect the worst, so that I won't be disappointed when things go badly and I'll be happily surprised when they go well.
I think this might not quite be accurate in terms of my relationships with other people. It's true that I never assume people like me just because I like them. I guess it just seems easier that way, although my feelings still get hurt when I find that I am right. However, no matter how cynical I am, I still tend to give a person multiple chances, even when I feel they have wronged me in some way. I suppose I believe that THIS time, things will be different. Eventually, even I give up on someone. However, if they show any remorse for their actions, I almost always forgive and am willing to try to be friends again.
This attitude doesn't seem to apply only to friends but to strangers as well. For example, even though my gut may tell me that the person panhandling is in their situation through their own shortcomings, I want to believe that there is hope for them. I want to believe that they are sincere when the homeless man at the park asks me how I am and seems friendly to me. I want to believe that if I treat others with respect, they will return the favor. It doesn't always happen that way, but hopefully more often than not.
So I think that although I AM a cynic in many respects (which I tend to think of as being a realist), I am an optimistic one.
Does anyone else think this way?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Joy in the little things...literally!
It recently came up in conversation that I am a zoologist by training. It got me thinking about the happiest times of my career in the environmental field over the last 12 years. But first a brief bit of background to put it into context.
I started out getting a B.S. in Zoology at Ohio State University, and I was what my advisor referred to as a "fuzzy lover", someone who really gets into the field because of large, charismatic mammals. It was true, and for most of my undergrad, I remained this way. It was only when I changed advisors before my senior year that my perspective changed, with a job working for my advisor. It was then that I was exposed to plankton, and later, stream ecology, two fields that changed my life. I went back to school after two years to pursue my master's degree in zoology, still at Ohio State. I became fascinated with the tiny world of algae and zooplankton, teaching at the Ohio State field station on an island in Lake Erie. At this same time, I taught a class that sampled lots of mainland streams, and gained a new appreciation of the tiny occupants that live under and around rocks in these systems.
While pursuing my M.S. in Zoology, I decided to pursue a Master of Applied Statistics because I was always good at math, and it seemed logical. I know this is really what got me my job at the EPA, first as a contractor and later as a federal employee, where I continue today. I love what I do, and I think it suits me perfectly, providing me with a challenge and feeding me a sense of deep purpose in what I do. However, some of the happiest times at my job are far away from my desk and computer.
At various times over my career, I have been involved in outreach to urban kids with little experience in nature. Usually these were summer programs, for which a group of us would sample a stream and bring rocks and critters to a group of kids that had little experience in real streams. There is nothing like the looks I saw on the faces of kids when they realized that the "nasty bugs" were actually fascinating and harmless creatures. It was the same when I taught classes at Lake Erie, as many of the students were high school kids that hadn't really been exposed to aquatic insects or plankton before firsthand.
All this said, I miss those activities. There don't seem to be those sorts of activities where I work now. So here's the deal. I love this stuff. I would take off work to do it in a heartbeat. So if you are a teacher, or you have kids that need someone to do this sort of thing with their class or just for fun, no matter the age range, I am your person. This is one of those things that brings me great joy, and there is no replacement for it. So keep me in mind when you look at a stream and wonder what's living in there, under the rocks.
I started out getting a B.S. in Zoology at Ohio State University, and I was what my advisor referred to as a "fuzzy lover", someone who really gets into the field because of large, charismatic mammals. It was true, and for most of my undergrad, I remained this way. It was only when I changed advisors before my senior year that my perspective changed, with a job working for my advisor. It was then that I was exposed to plankton, and later, stream ecology, two fields that changed my life. I went back to school after two years to pursue my master's degree in zoology, still at Ohio State. I became fascinated with the tiny world of algae and zooplankton, teaching at the Ohio State field station on an island in Lake Erie. At this same time, I taught a class that sampled lots of mainland streams, and gained a new appreciation of the tiny occupants that live under and around rocks in these systems.
While pursuing my M.S. in Zoology, I decided to pursue a Master of Applied Statistics because I was always good at math, and it seemed logical. I know this is really what got me my job at the EPA, first as a contractor and later as a federal employee, where I continue today. I love what I do, and I think it suits me perfectly, providing me with a challenge and feeding me a sense of deep purpose in what I do. However, some of the happiest times at my job are far away from my desk and computer.
At various times over my career, I have been involved in outreach to urban kids with little experience in nature. Usually these were summer programs, for which a group of us would sample a stream and bring rocks and critters to a group of kids that had little experience in real streams. There is nothing like the looks I saw on the faces of kids when they realized that the "nasty bugs" were actually fascinating and harmless creatures. It was the same when I taught classes at Lake Erie, as many of the students were high school kids that hadn't really been exposed to aquatic insects or plankton before firsthand.
All this said, I miss those activities. There don't seem to be those sorts of activities where I work now. So here's the deal. I love this stuff. I would take off work to do it in a heartbeat. So if you are a teacher, or you have kids that need someone to do this sort of thing with their class or just for fun, no matter the age range, I am your person. This is one of those things that brings me great joy, and there is no replacement for it. So keep me in mind when you look at a stream and wonder what's living in there, under the rocks.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Lesson #5 from my dog
I realized this morning that it has taken me awhile to pick up on the lesson our dog taught us as soon as we adopted her from the family that raised her from a puppy for 3 years. You'd think that it would have been traumatic for her to suddenly move from a loving home to a new home at that age, but she took it all in stride and surprised all of us. I think what it boils down to is that, no matter how much the other family loved her, it wasn't enough to keep her as part of their family. I always assumed it was just because Grace's loyalty is to anyone that feeds her. While this may be true in part, I still give her credit for embracing us as her new family so quickly and completely.
For me, this translates to learning to completely embrace that community of people that care about me and understand me. At the same time, I am learning to let go of the people that were in my life that do not care enough about me to keep me around in their lives. It's a lesson in moving on. That doesn't mean forgetting or letting go of the friends I have in other places. It just means that when I find myself among people that don't seem to understand me anymore, that we part ways.
As my dog has shown me, it does not have to lead to sadness. She is a very happy dog that embraces what she does have at all times. We are always a work in progress, and that means that we should expect that sometimes, we will move beyond the people that we used to call friends.
For me, this translates to learning to completely embrace that community of people that care about me and understand me. At the same time, I am learning to let go of the people that were in my life that do not care enough about me to keep me around in their lives. It's a lesson in moving on. That doesn't mean forgetting or letting go of the friends I have in other places. It just means that when I find myself among people that don't seem to understand me anymore, that we part ways.
As my dog has shown me, it does not have to lead to sadness. She is a very happy dog that embraces what she does have at all times. We are always a work in progress, and that means that we should expect that sometimes, we will move beyond the people that we used to call friends.
Monday, October 11, 2010
I could learn a lot from my dog
Most of the time when I think about my dog, Grace, a large lab/Great Pyrenees mix, I would not think she could teach me much. For one thing, she's kind of a dope, cute but not very bright. However, I can now see many personality traits in her that I would do well to adopt. These are a few of the things I have learned:
1) Be adventurous in eating. Based on the disgusting eating habits of my dog, you would not expect I would want to take any cues from her. The part that I can draw from is her willingness to try new things, almost anything, in fact, and then decide if it's good or not. In my own life, I could stand to be a little more open to new foods than I sometimes am. This, I have already started to change.
2) Live in the moment. Grace doesn't worry about what happened 10 minutes ago, and she never fears the future. She fully embraces the right now. Sometimes, this means she gets an impulse to dig a hole, so she does it, and is remorseful about it later. I think I could definitely use a lot more spontaneity in my life and a lot less regret and worry.
3) Meet new people with an open mind. To Grace, every person and dog is a potential friend. She never hesitates to walk right up to any person or animal and greet them with curiosity and friendliness. I am sometimes jealous of her total lack of social awkwardness, but the more I watch her, the more it inspires me to follow her lead.
4) Embrace playtime. Grace often finds a toy and starts racing around the house with it all by herself. She plays with joyful abandon and loves it when others join in. She even tries to get the cats to play, and it almost works sometimes. The most important part is that she is having fun, and who couldn't use a little more fun in their life?
1) Be adventurous in eating. Based on the disgusting eating habits of my dog, you would not expect I would want to take any cues from her. The part that I can draw from is her willingness to try new things, almost anything, in fact, and then decide if it's good or not. In my own life, I could stand to be a little more open to new foods than I sometimes am. This, I have already started to change.
2) Live in the moment. Grace doesn't worry about what happened 10 minutes ago, and she never fears the future. She fully embraces the right now. Sometimes, this means she gets an impulse to dig a hole, so she does it, and is remorseful about it later. I think I could definitely use a lot more spontaneity in my life and a lot less regret and worry.
3) Meet new people with an open mind. To Grace, every person and dog is a potential friend. She never hesitates to walk right up to any person or animal and greet them with curiosity and friendliness. I am sometimes jealous of her total lack of social awkwardness, but the more I watch her, the more it inspires me to follow her lead.
4) Embrace playtime. Grace often finds a toy and starts racing around the house with it all by herself. She plays with joyful abandon and loves it when others join in. She even tries to get the cats to play, and it almost works sometimes. The most important part is that she is having fun, and who couldn't use a little more fun in their life?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
A new choice
I've been struggling for some time over how I fit into our roller derby league in Salem (Cherry City Derby Girls). I started out last November not knowing how to skate. Over several months, I learned to skate pretty well, and I tested up to level 2 in May. If I were to pursue testing to level 3 and pass, I would be eligible to be drafted onto a team.
I started off very gung ho in level 2, but things went awry early in the summer. My best derby buddies stopped coming to practice, and one of them left the league altogether. Attendance at practices became sparse, and it was hard to be motivated to show up when I might be the only one there. I found out in June that I had skin cancer on my scalp that would require surgical removal. During the healing process, I was not able to wear a helmet, so I was off skates for 2 weeks. Then I got two ribs knocked out of place at a derby promotional event in July, and I did not get that completely fixed for a month. That entire time I was not skating, though I was still riding my bike and doing other activities. Eventually, I started Crossfit as an alternate workout, and I quickly became hooked on the way it seemed to help the shoulder issues created by my misaligned ribs.
I never really went back to skating after that. I tried to be a rec skater, but it was primarily for a workout, which I didn't really achieve in that case. So I just stopped going. I felt bad. I felt like I was betraying the league by even considering leaving, but I really felt like a second-class member if I wasn't skating.
Last week, I finally came to the realization that I could actually be a very important and much-needed league member by serving as a ref or an NSO (non-skating official). Hearing that a couple of other people I know have decided the same because they, like me, cannot commit the time required to join a team.
Tonight is my first night at practice as an official instead of a skater. I'm nervous but excited, and I hope this ends up being the place I was meant to be in the league.
I started off very gung ho in level 2, but things went awry early in the summer. My best derby buddies stopped coming to practice, and one of them left the league altogether. Attendance at practices became sparse, and it was hard to be motivated to show up when I might be the only one there. I found out in June that I had skin cancer on my scalp that would require surgical removal. During the healing process, I was not able to wear a helmet, so I was off skates for 2 weeks. Then I got two ribs knocked out of place at a derby promotional event in July, and I did not get that completely fixed for a month. That entire time I was not skating, though I was still riding my bike and doing other activities. Eventually, I started Crossfit as an alternate workout, and I quickly became hooked on the way it seemed to help the shoulder issues created by my misaligned ribs.
I never really went back to skating after that. I tried to be a rec skater, but it was primarily for a workout, which I didn't really achieve in that case. So I just stopped going. I felt bad. I felt like I was betraying the league by even considering leaving, but I really felt like a second-class member if I wasn't skating.
Last week, I finally came to the realization that I could actually be a very important and much-needed league member by serving as a ref or an NSO (non-skating official). Hearing that a couple of other people I know have decided the same because they, like me, cannot commit the time required to join a team.
Tonight is my first night at practice as an official instead of a skater. I'm nervous but excited, and I hope this ends up being the place I was meant to be in the league.
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