It's been quite awhile since I posted, but we're coming up on the two year anniversary of arriving in Salem. It's left me wanting to document my thoughts about how much things have changed.
Over three years ago, my husband and I made the decision for him to take a job in Salem, a decision we knew would create complete upheaval in our lives. In the time between that decision and actually moving 15 months later, I spiraled down into depression and was so caught up in it, I didn't even realize how bad it was.
That depression made me long for deep connections to people I was leaving behind, as well as those people I met here in Oregon. I think in a lot of cases, I attached far too much significance to those relationships, and sometimes I got burned. Severely. In those cases, I had poor judgment and sometimes did very stupid things, and as I look back, I'm stunned at some of the sacrifices of myself I made to feel like I fit in.
I feel like I have finally emerged from that dark time into a me that I can respect. It took me awhile, but I gradually figured out who my real friends are, and got rid of those people both here and in Cincinnati that were toxic to me, those people that kept me feeling bad about myself. Some people I have not kept up with as much I thought I would, but that's okay. It's good to be selective about who gets to be in that inner circle, or in any circle, for that matter.
All in all, I think the most important thing I have gained from my experience is perspective. I know that my journey through life is as unique as I am, but I also realize that many other people have to struggle with the same things I have. In a way, we are all both very alone and in the company of many other good people in the adversity we face as we go through life. If I had to go through what I did to gain this perspective, I'm okay with that. Hopefully that perspective will help someone else I know, and that would make it all worth it.
